Today, we begin with Phantom’s story about his eye doctor appointment yesterday, in which he got his pupils dilated, had trouble seeing what he was tweeting, and went to the CVS to buy socks. We then get a visit from Don’s old friend, James Brown, from The NFL Today on CBS, and Inside The NFL on Showtime. JB gives us his thoughts on week 1 of the NFL season, including RG3, Peyton Manning, the 49ers, and the replacement officials. After Don tells us how much he likes Nicole Zaloumis on NFL AM, we hear about the Hooters in Queens being sued for racial discrimination, and an elementary school principal in Portland, OR claiming that peanut butter and jelly is “racially insensitive.”

We then hear Steve’s new parody song, about the idiot caller who thought 9/11 was a government conspiracy, and a clip of the “Today” show interviewing Kris Jenner during the 9/11 memorial moment of silence. We also hear a clip from the Discovery Channel special “9/11 Surfer,” and Tom Hanks’ eulogy at Michael Clark Duncan’s funeral. Don then tells us that Brett Favre’s pubes are being sold on Craigslist. Don also calls the Jewish Hospital in Louisville, KY to ask about a doctor who removed a man’s penis during a routine circumcision procedure.

Don has a new educational film from the late 1970′s that he shows the guys, entitled “Beware The Rapist,” and then it’s time for the “Phantom News Hour.” Today, Phantom tells us about the release of the brand new “Halloween Oreos,” the TV ratings from last week, Led Zeppelin’s mysterious countdown on Facebook, and the 58 richest lead singers in rock n’ roll. And of course, Don wraps everything up with a caller 100!