Don begins the day with a story about his son Bart, who apparently saved a girl last night from being assaulted by a tweaker, and even wrestled the guy to the ground and detained him until the police arrived. Don talks about how proud he is of his boy, before telling us about his trip to the hairstylist yesterday, and the bottle of vodka his stylist Orlando gave him. We then hear about Don’s trip to the dentist, and the guys ask who would win in a fight between Orlando and Roy. We also hear that the Hallmark Channel is airing “Riding The Bus With My Sister” this weekend, which is one of Don’s favorite movies, because Rosie O’Donnell plays a retard. After hearing a few hilarious clips from the movie, Don then plays Lil’ Wayne’s deposition for his lawsuit against Quincy Jones, and the guys talk about Johnny Lewis from “Sons Of Anarchy” murdering his 81 year old landlord and dying after falling off the house.
We the get a visit from Don’s old friend, former NFL quarterback and CBS broadcaster Boomer Esiason. Boomer tells Don how he’s able to manage his hectic schedule, his take on Commissioner Goodell’s apology, and who he thinks are the best and worst teams in the NFL. He also does an intro for Phantom News! After Boomer, Don tells us that the U.S. is the 4th smartest country in the world, and plays a few clips, including a guy falling off a rope swing, Samuel L. Jackson’s “Wake the F up” poem, a Romney protester going berserk, and Ann Coulter pissing off Whoopie on “The View.” The guys then get into a game called “Who’s worse than Bob Dylan.” According to Don, there really is no one worse (except Yoko Ono), but everybody else loves Dylan.
After the guys pick this weekend’s NFL games, and Don makes his weekly call to Green Bay, it’s time for the “Phantom News Hour.” Today, among the stories: a minor leaguer who will get his first MLB at-bat since 2005 when he has hit in the head by a pitch, Honey Boo Boo’s finale ratings, and Pete Townshend says Mick Jagger is the only guy he’s ever wanted to boink. And of course, Don wraps everything up with a caller 100!