The week begins with Don’s weekend recap, including how Janet tricked him into exercising, the ATM freak out at Sam’s Club, and how he has about 70 pairs of underwear, but can’t seem to get rid of the old ones. We also hear about Noodles’ email to the station asking for help moving this Saturday. After hearing about a 7 year old kid who got suspended for biting his pastry into the shape of a gun, Don tells us about an Albuquerque man with Downs Syndrome who runs a restaurant. Don calls up the place and even talks to the guy!

After a few news stories, including a 911 call over a “Fresh Prince” voice mail, and a 22 year old who falsified documents so he could play high school basketball, the guys play a new version of “Password,” created by Little Joe, and containing only provocative subjects. We then hear that Kevin Bacon is related to his wife, Rihanna is still an idiot, Don Pardo missed SNL on Saturday because he broke his hip, and NBC is trying to oust Leno.

After another phone scan, it’s time for the “Phantom News.” Today, “Celebrity Apprentice” gets it’s lowest premiere ratings ever, and box office numbers over the weekend. And of course, Don wraps everything up with a caller 100!