The extended holiday weekend was last week, right? That’s the rumor, anyway. If so, that shouldn’t hamper YOU, the SPORTS FAN, from indulging in an extended binge spanning the next few days of sloth-like television viewing. Who needs sunshine when you can bask in the glow of your shiny LCD TV? Close the curtains, put on some sweats, and load up on food that will satisfy your hand-to-mouth habit – there’s SPORTS on TV all weekend! Here’s some stuff (as in,”a list of television programming”) to aid you in your quest to spend your weekend at home, away from society, avoiding unneccessary opportunities to create the kind of lasting social connections that could assist you in advancing your (likely) dead-end career.

1. NCAA Baseball Tournament Regional Round – Sacramento State vs. Cal Poly (Friday, 6 PM PST, ESPN3)

College Baseball, local style – the Hornets finished their season 39-22, winning the WAC and advancing to the school’s first NCAA Tournament. They face host Cal Poly SLO (45-10) to open the double-elimination regional round. Sac State is led by All-American Junior Rhys Hoskins (.330/.437/.596; 12 HR) and WAC Coach of the Year Reggie Christiansen.

2. Oakland A’s vs. Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Located In California The State But Maybe Soon To Be Moving To Orange County (Friday & Saturday, 7:05 PT; Sunday, 1:05 PT)

The Angels enter the weekend just a game and a half back of Oakland in the AL West, and appear to be Oakland’s most formidable opponent in vying for the division crown. Oakland has outscored opponents by 100 runs this season, doubling the second highest run differential in the league. The Angels… well, they have Mike Trout, who might just be the best player in baseball. Offense is not an issue for Los Angeles of Anaheim (is that correct shorthand?), but their pitching has been suspect at best – look for the Oakland bats to heat up at the Coliseum.

3. San Francisco Giants at St. Louis Cardinals (Friday, 5:15 PT; Saturday & Sunday, 11:15 PT)

More baseball? Yes please. Why? BECAUSE IT IS BASEBALL SEASON, despite what both the NFL and NBA would want you to believe, between football turning their offseason into a spectacle with all the relevant substance of the 24-hour yule log channel during Christmas and the NBA’s insistence on making sure their playoffs last until the sun burns out.

Also, this is a rematch of the 2012 NLCS and both teams are playing well.

4. College Rugby (Saturday, Noon PST)

Just kidding. Here’s the official description of the event: “Rugby Sevens is scheduled to make its Olympic debut in 2016, and this event offers fans a preview of the available talent in the United States; 16 Division I schools with a rich rugby history are participating in the round-robin tournament.”

Yeah, don’t watch that.

5. NBA Playoffs – Conference Finals (Friday, Saturday, Sunday – 5:30 PST)

Miami has a chance to close out Indiana tonight in the Eastern Conference final, with a potential Game 7 scheduled for Sunday. All you need to know about this series: LeBron James is the best basketball player on the planet, and Lance Stephenson is a crazy person. If nothing else, watch so you can see the crazy person.

In the Western Conference, San Antonio and Oklahoma City square off in Game 6 on Saturday, with the Spurs up 3-2 and looking to head back to the finals. Despite the teams keeping things relatively even in the win column, this series has been a bit of a disappointment – the closest margin of victory through five games is nine points, with the other four games being decided by double digits. The Spurs, however, are likely the most fundamentally sound team left, while Oklahoma City boasts possibly the most athletic lineup remaining in the playoffs. Hijinks should ensue, or whatever.

Should the recommendations of this list not meet your expecations, be sure to be a Good Patriot and write your congressman. He will totally address your concerns in a timely fashion.