Ok, PokémonGO is lame. I get it. Just let me explain before you start freaking out on me.
First off, I have never cared about “being cool,” or “having friends,” or “going outside.” That’s all gravy. Yes, I ordered “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” on Amazon Prime Now so I could get it at midnight the day it came out. Yes, I screenshot a tweet that Harry Potter author JK Rowling liked of mine yesterday (like a 12-year old Bieber fan). Yes I like Coldplay.
I also do not:
-Drive a sports car
-Drink any beer that tastes like pine needles and weed
-Drink much at all
So, safe to say I’m pretty much disqualified in terms of being a “real man.”
Now that that’s out of the way, I can tell you wholeheartedly that I play PokémonGO. I’m not very good. I haven’t gone to any PokeGyms to do battle yet, and my highest scoring Pokémon is a Snorlax who’s CP is 945.
Did you understand anything I just said? No? Good.
Because up until last week the only Pokemon I could name is Pikachu, only because my kids watch the cartoon and he goes “PIKA PIKA PIKA” which is kind of funny. But I digress.
I play PokémonGO because it will change the world.
Yes. PokémonGO will change the world. I recognize this and I don’t want to be left behind.
I see the sneers and rolled eyes from my friends and colleagues. Yeah I see you. Most of these people live and die by some rich dudes playing with a ball, which makes it all a little funny – but I get it.
Pokémon is for kids or adults who hang at Gamestop and storm the castle each night with their 20 sided die and 1033 hit pointed valkyrie (Yes, I can also channel my inner Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds).
But unlike the 80’s, the nerds are now the badasses. Elon Musk is the closest thing we have to IronMan. Mark Zuckerberg, Sean Parker, and so many others that are young(ish) and badasses. In the 80’s they would all be considered nerds. Now? Ogre works for them to feed his eight kids. The nerds have won.
Do you think I honestly care whether my Vaporeon can battle some other dude’s Pidgeot? Uh, no. What I DO care about is the basics of the game, and the potential Augmented Reality (AR) has on our lives. Screw Pokémon. What happens when they come up with “Star Wars Go”, and instead of hunting little douchey creatures you can hunt Luke, Han, Darth Vader, etc? What happens when you take your team of Jedi/Imperials to the Academy to do battle? Huh? HUH????
Ok, still nerdy, but better.
What about this: when you can collect basketball players, past and current? Go around and capture Oscar Robertson, and then maybe a Chris Webber? Or the holy grail, MJ….you get the idea. Then you take your “team” to a “gym”, and play a virtual game. The list of applications goes on and on. Some nerdy, some cool.
See, at its heart, PokémonGO is a virtual scavenger hunt. Using your phone’s GPS and some other cool nerdy stuff, you actually hunt these things. The little mini-game to capture them factors in, but all you’re really doing is collecting these guys and then building them up.
The fact that the world you play in is based on your own surroundings is also pretty sick. You catch certain types near water, others in city centers, etc. Again, the real-world applications of this are mind bending, and in many, many places as your read this, some nerds are creating that very thing. They will create this, people will play it, they will sell it for billions, and we will read about them and get jealous.
AR is here, folks. You don’t have to care about dumb Pokémon, just recognize that this game will have an effect on many games of the future. Get on board if for no other reason- research. Plus, your kids will think you’re cool.
Plus, it’s always nice to use a magic egg and evolve your Eevee. What was that?
Yeah, that was the sound of you telling people to get off your lawn. Get with it geezer.