Remember Eldrick Woods? You may know him more commonly as “Tiger” and he’s a dude that, believe it or not, was once considered on track to become the greatest golfer of all time.
Then, one thanksgiving in 2009, Tiger starting having issues with his irons (specifically, that his wife was using them to trash his stuff after he was exposed as a habitual philanderer), and his golf game has never been the same.
Well, guess what? He’s back! That’s right, after a nearly seven-year stretch in which his number of mistresses is only outpaced by his amount of surgical procedures, the guy they call the Big Easy (presumably because he used to win big, and easily – or I’m thinking of another dude and I just don’t care that much about golf) is making his return to the Tour at the Safeway Open next week.
Friend of Eldrick, Jesper Parnevik, has high hopes for Tiger, as evidenced by his words to Golf Digest:
“I see Tiger at the Medalist. We talk and have played nine holes together,”Jesper Parnevik told Golf Digest. “By the way, he’s been hitting a lot of balls, and he’s hitting it great. He’s pounding it a mile and flushing everything. On the range, at least, his trajectory and ball flight are like the Tiger we knew 15 years ago. Comebacks are never a sure thing, but something tells me his might be spectacular.”
Listen, if golf was played on the driving range, I’d be a sub-8 handicap. In reality, I’m a 19.3 because golf is a lousy, awful, terrible, pointless game that can’t be replicated in a practice session. Tiger’s problem, during his downfall, hasn’t been an inability to put it together on the range. He’s been a mess between the ears for over a half-decade now and it shows in every chip he duffs and every bunker that gets skulled over the target. You don’t just forget how to do something that you’ve excelled at since you could walk; it’s a matter of his brain not allowing his body to reflexively complete a repetitive motion.
All this to say, I’m cheering for Tiger, because golf is more interesting when he’s involved – but I’m not holding my breath.