The NCAA Tournament is happening! AGAIN! Hard to believe that this annual event is, against all odds, set to make its yearly appearance. You probably have an opportunity, thanks to a likeable-but-uncomfortably-persistent coworker, to compete with your peers at guessing the outcome of the tournament (go sign up for our Bracket Challenge!). Problem is, you – of exceptional mind, body, and spirit – are tired of having your bracket busted in the first weekend every year because some scrappy group of gym rats from Northeast College Of Unrecognizable Names decided to send Kansas home early again.
Fear not, dear reader! I’ve come to the rescue, here to offer the type of knowledge that can only be provided by a guy that has watched maybe a combined total of four and a half college basketball games this year. I’ve selected a couple of upsets that are sure* to happen (*this is not a legally binding statement)!
#11 RHODE ISLAND over #6 Creighton
The RAMS versus the JAYS BABY!!!! This is the good stuff. It’s that classic Rhode Island/Creighton rivalry, and let me tell you: throw the records out the window when these two teams meet. Why’s that, you ask? Because, frankly, I have no idea what these teams’ records are, and if I can get you to throw them out, perhaps then we’ll be debating on equal footing.
Here’s the deal: this game is being played in Sacramento, and an 11-seed over a 6 is, by the numbers, a significant upset. That’s the type of thing I want to watch, and so we must will it into existence. Also, Allen Iverson’s cousin is averaging 9.4 ppg for the Rams, so there’s a guy that you’ve halfway heard of.
#12 PRINCETON over #5 Notre Dame
First things first: Princeton is actually good! They went 23-6 this year, going undefeated in the Ivy League, for whatever that’s worth.
Now that we’ve gotten that nonsense out of the way, let me tell you the real reason I like the Tigers: they’re not Notre Dame. I’m still cursing their entire athletic program for the time they allowed a star football player to exploit his (fake) dying girlfriend to boost his Heisman campaign. And that probably doesn’t even rank in the top ten of reasons to dislike Notre Dame. Go Princeton!
#13 VERMONT over #4 Purdue
This game is an All-Star-caliber nickname matchup, pitting the Boilermakers of Purdue against the Catamounts of Vermont. Let’s start with the losers: Purdue. Heaven knows that this humble writer enjoys himself a good cocktail – especially the classic whiskey/beer combo – but how is that supposed to compete with an animal that a cursory internet search defines as “a medium-sized or large wild cat”? We’re talking about a potential shape-shifter; I’m not sure why we haven’t spent more time being alarmed about this. Wild cats can be terrifying! You can bet your ass that I’m not wagering against one that refuses to be defined by the societal norms of things like “size classification”. Fight on, Catamounts.
There you have it. My guarantee as a Sports Radio Personality that these three games will absolutely happen as part of the NCAA tournament. AND, if these picks don’t work out, stay confident! Everyone else stinks at picking these things, too.