Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

  • Being Stood Up
    Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.
    Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.
  • Who's Involved
    People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.
    Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.
  • Meeting Point
    Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.
    A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.
  • Conversations
    Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.
    Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.
  • Possible 2nd Date?
    Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.
    Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”
  • Outsider Perspective
    More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.
    Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.
RESULTS
After some careful consideration and thoughtful review, its been determined that the NHL Negotiations are worse than a bad date. Why? Because not even a federally appointed mediator can't help fix the problem.

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