This morning Don tells us he has yet another meeting to go to, but this one will require him to leave early from the show today. We hear about yesterday’s awesome meeting with the lawyers, and then Don tells us about his acupuncture appointment afterwards. After Don asks us if Janet’s a degenerate gambler, he introduces us to a new teenage phenomenon called “gallon smashing,” and shows us a few videos of it. We then get a nasty text from a listener, and Don has Little Joe call up the guy to wish him Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

Salesman Nick sends Little Joe a video of a woman crapping in a supermarket aisle, and Don calls Nick into the studio to talk about the surveillance footage, before playing the video, which causes Drew to gag, but Craig finds it hilarious! Don then plays a video of Richard Simmons spazzing out on “Axcess Live,” and Carrie Fisher’s dog taking a dump onstage. Don also introduces us to a website called that caters to gold digging women who want to get paid by middle aged men to go out with them. This gives Don the idea to create a profile for Noodles!

After watching footage of the horrific hot air balloon crash in Egypt, and going off on another texter, the guys joke about dead Yankees in hell, and it’s time for another phone scan. After Doni heads out for his meeting, it’s time for the “Phantom News.” Today, Scott Weiland gets fired from Stone Temple Pilots, 26,000 people are have been missing in Mexico since 2007, South Africa has donkey, buffalo, and goat meat in their burgers, and “Celebrity Wife Swap” gets its highest ratings ever. After all the madness, Drew wraps everything up with a caller 100!