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Top 5 Super Bowl Commercials

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By Brian Cullen

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The Super Bowl is upon us, meaning that copywriters, producers and designers are about to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Commercial season is here. And with that marks the end of sleepless nights for underpaid, under-appreciated ad agency employees everywhere.

Today, consider them under-appreciated no more. I’ve gone through the film and compiled my five favorite Super Bowl commercials of all time. As a caveat, though, it should be noted that these are MY PERSONAL OPINION. That means no Budweiser Frogs. And that stupid Apple 1984 commercial is nowhere to be found. Nope. These are my personal favorites. And without further ado:

5. Mean Joe Greene Throws A Numbered Sweat Sponge At A Child

I don’t need to give you the synopsis of the world famous Mean Joe Greene commercial. Although I am vexed why we stopped giving football players names that rhymed? Nice Jerry Rice, Lady Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger who… Oh. Yeah. Doesn’t really work with everyone. ANYway. Hat tip to the exasperated copywriter who came up with the tagline “COKE ADDS LIFE!” like it’s the water from the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade or something.

4. E*Trade Monkeys Around

This spot features zero words, it proves a beautiful point and it involves a monkey. What else could you ask for in a Super Bowl commercial?

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - SEPTEMBER 18:  Isaiah Mustafa, the face of the Old Spice videos,  comes face to face with an Olive Python at WildLife Sydney Zoo on September 18, 2013 in Sydney, Australia.

Photo Credit: Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

3. Old Spice Outmans Men Everywhere

What man can forget the first time they saw shirtless former NFL wide receiver Isaiah Mustafa peppering their partners with rapid-fire instructions about where to look, what to feel and what to do? Check it out here if you need a refresher. The whole thing is brilliant, and ends with the remarkable punctuation of “I’m on a horse.” Justifiably, this spot led to many more with Mustafa. That said, although this was a great Super Bowl commercial, my favorite Old Spice commercials are the ones featuring Terry Crews.

2. Speaking of Screaming Terrys…

There are two things that get me to laugh, no matter how many times I experience them. #1 is the “soup du jour” joke from Dumb and Dumber. The other is the “Terry Tate: Office Linebacker” commercials. Here’s all of them – all 20 minutes’ worth! The only critique I have of this ad? I have no idea what it’s about. I think Reebok, because their logo is on Terry’s chain? But who cares. I love these commercials. So… why not #1?

1. Because High Life Had The Most Amazing Commercials Of All Time

Most companies shell out truckloads of money for a 30-second spot. Even more than that for a 60-second spot. High Life trumped them all. They bought 30 1-second spots (just enough time to scream “HIGH LIFE!” and out). It’s the most efficient, brilliant and hysterical commercial of the bunch. Well done, High Life.

Will this year’s batch compete? I’ll be waiting with bated breath.

Check out more of our Top 5 Lists.

Brian Cullen writes vaguely sad comedy articles for Tailgate Fan and Man Cave Daily. Follow him on Twitter @bucketcullen.

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