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TALE OF THE TAPE

NFL

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

  3. Philadelphia Eagles v Washington Redskins (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Washington Redskins At Oakland Raiders

    Robert Griffin III is off to a difficult start and he does not appear to be at his best, despite what the Redskins say.

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    Tale Of The Tape: San Francisco 49ers At St. Louis Rams

    Colin Kaepernick is going to want to assert himself every week, and he is going to be at his best against a divisional opponent.

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    New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

    2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was met with extraordinary expectations. Similarly, the 2013 Patriots entered the season highly regarded – as they do every year that both T-Brads and Bill Belichick are on staff.

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    Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At Denver Broncos

    The Raiders breathed a sigh of relief because they got a win in Week Two in front of their home fans, but Terrelle Pryor has no opportunity to pat himself on the back because the Raiders have to prepare for perhaps the most explosive team in the league.