TALE OF THE TAPE

Which Is More Understandable? Buying Jim Harbaugh’s Game-Worn Pants Vs. Other Weird Celebrity Things

Jim Harbaugh's Pants
Other Celebrity Things
(credit: Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)
(credit: Mark Mainz/Getty Images)
VS. Britney Spears’ Gum
Such as - how to put this delicately? - did Harbaugh sweat in these pants? Have these been washed? This raises all sorts of questions about Jim Harbaugh’s underwear hygiene that I don’t want to consider.
Winner It’s gross because it’s chewed gum (which sold for $14,000!). I don’t care whose mouth it was in. That said, in the grand scheme of things, there are grosser things than, you know, saliva and such.
VS. Justin Timberlake’s Breakfast
Winner ...and nothing that weird.
After an interview in 2000, Justin Timberlake left two pieces of French toast untouched. They sold on eBay for over $1,000. The winning bidder said she would “...probably freeze dry it...then put it on my dresser.” Ew ew ew EW EW!
VS. Elvis’ Hair
Winner
Collecting hair might be the creepiest thing in the history of the world. And even if it’s Elvis’ hair, any sympathy I might have once had went out the window during research, because it forced me to read about the man who authenticated it. A man who lives in Connecticut who does nothing but collect samples of - and authenticate - celebrity hair. (!!!)
VS. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s Exhaled Air
Winner ...I mean, at least you can see, feel, and wear pants.
Oh my God I can’t handle this country. People bought this for $529. How...how did people get their hands on this? Did they sneak up and just put a mason jar in front of both actors when they happened to have their eyes closed?
VS. Jerry Garcia’s Toilet
Winner Yep. Pants wins. We’re done here.
I can’t. It sold for over $2,000. You guys I can’t.

The Winner Is

Winner Jim Harbaugh's Pants
4 out of 5

With a score of 4-1, I’m ashamed to say that a pre-worn pair of pants is not one of the weirdest things you can buy. Way to go, America.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

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